"With No Reservations"

Leigh Michaels

Well...today's selection is a classic boy meets girl story, with a twist. First of all, it is romance, so it is girl meets boy, and in this case, it is girl re-meets boy and in a series of re-hashes we learn that initially, girl met boy (who is colleague of her dad), girl flirted with boy, boy dated girl, girl got stupid and imagined a wedding without asking boy about it, boy made overt sexual overtures, girl discussed "saving it for marriage", boy dumped frigid girl, girl moved away to lick wounds, and then we are back at the beginning...with me so far? So, when girl returns home to run the family hotel with her dad, she bumps back into the boy who offers to help save the family hotel IF, and only if, she does something he wants...namely give it up him. But, he clarifies, not just random humping, they will get married so that her parents don't suspect anything fishy, but he is free to kick her out at anytime. How sweet. They stay together for awhile, but girl flees when she learns that she is pregnant, as boy said he didn't want kids. Then girl moves away, again, and boy tracks her down, confesses love and learns of the baby and all are happy and loved. Ya know, that old chestnut.
Oy. The lovers herein are named...Lacey Clinton and Damon Kendrick and all this takes place in Kansas City, MI. A perfect place for romance...
I always get a tingly feeling when these books turn the hilarity on in the first few pages and this little gem was no exception. Firstly, and I simply couldn't show you all of these examples, she, Lacey, has more dialogue with herself than with any other character in the book. Perhaps the author intended to show that she is deeply reflective, but she just seems like she has a personality disorder. And seriously, this started in the second paragraph.
But the first piece I will share involves Lacey and her mom, Ginny.

"Ginny looked abstracted. There were two fine lines in the middle of her forehead, Lacey noticed. They looked like worry lines. Funny that she hadn't seen them before. Was it Bill Clinton, or Lacey herself, or something else, that was worrying Ginny?" p. 11
Okay...first of all...she looked abstracted? Were her eyes stacked on one side of her face? Was her mouth a fish? Actually, as it turns out, that word choice is technically correct; it does mean lost in thought, but no one I know uses that word in that context. Secondly, Bill Clinton??? What the hell? As THAT turned out, Bill Clinton was Lacey's dad. But that was the first mention of him, so, how the hell would anyone know that? Huh? Huh?

"She was probably just wondering what to serve for dinner tonight to keep up with Elinor's gourmet cooking, Lacey told herself crossly as she reached her office. And, even if that wasn't it, if you go prying into her thoughts, you're the one being nosy. Honestly, Lacey, you're starting to see trouble lurking in every corner." p.11
That was like, 2 paragraphs later...she was alone...that was in her own head...the "she" Lacey's brain was referring to is Ginny, her mom. All I can say is, she is going to make some doctor very happy one day.

"He looked around with a shrug. 'Whispering sweet nothings in this crowd would be a sheer waste of time.'
'I like a man who is practical,' she murmured.
He grinned at her. "But just give me a chance , and enough quiet to fill a teaspoon---." p. 25
Just, oy. Incidentally, the "he" in that isn't Damon, it is another doofus.

" 'And I am still heartbroken you didn't wait for me David,' Lacey accused, and everyone within hearing distance laughed. Lacey was grateful that they took it that way; fortunately, she thought, they all believed that the huskiness in her voice was entirely assumed. The hoarse note startled Lacey herself; she hadn't intended to be quite that theatrical. I'll just have to be more careful, she told herself." p. 25
I hate that sneaky husky theatricalness that sneaks up on ya. Ruins the party every time.

"The bellboy lead her to a small alcove in the corner of the lobby, half-hidden behind a marble pillar, and used the key to summon a tiny wood-panelled elevator, just big enough for two people and a narrow, padded bench. It startled Lacey. On the wall were just two buttons.
Up and down, that's a safe assumption, she told herself, with a half-hysterical giggle." p.34
Hahahahaha elevators go up and down, hahahahahahaoy.

" 'I can't say it surprises me, that's sure. I should have suspected from the beginning that your views would be just as old-fashioned as your name is.'
'It's a perfectly good family name, and it has nothing to do with my moral code.' " p. 35
Yeah, so, ner. The first speaker is Damon and the second is Lacey...in case you were wondering. Which, let's face it, you weren't.

Okay, this next one is a bit of a slog...for the brain I mean.
" 'Of course, if you could give us some sort of additional security, or if another bank would agree to share the loan, so First Federal would not have to assume all the risk---'
Lacey managed to smiles and thank him for his time, and she didn't explode until they were safely out of the bank. Then she slammed both fists against the steering-wheel of her car and stormed, 'Now I know why they call Missouri the Show-me State!...'" p. 84
WTF? Because the guys who wanted to settle Missouri went to the natives (Indians) who lived there at the time and said "Hey, we want to settle here and we will give you some beads and blankets and stuff." And the chief said "Okay, but SHOW ME first." And when the dust settled, the head of the settlers remembered that conversation and said "Show-me. I like it! We will be the Show-me state and we will demand adequate collateral for all mortgage and loan transactions!"

"She stared at his back for a long moment. 'No thank you,' she said stiffly. 'I think I'll go to bed, Damon. I'm not feeling well.' From the bedroom door, she added, in a voice heavy with irony, 'I think perhaps the shellfish I had for dinner wasn't quite fresh.' " p.165
Seriously, I read and re-read that passage and the pages before it looking for the irony in bad shellfish and it isn't there. No shellfish irony. None.

"He had clearly said, on more than one occasion, that there never would be a child of his in this world. He had said that as if there was no doubt in his mind, and no reason for further discussion. She hadn't really questioned why he was so certain; everything had happened so fast. But she hadn't taken the precaution of going on the Pill. It just never occurred to her that it might be wise." p. 167
Now, this was written in 1990. And at this point, they had been married for like 2 months. *sighs* And of course, she is pregnant. However, it is all okay, as he touchingly points out in this next passage.

" 'The baby is not a pleasant shock.' he admitted honestly. 'But then it wasn't in your plans, either, was it? We created this life together; it's up to us to take care of it.'" p. 185
Wow. I hope that went in the baby book.

It feels good to be back and making your world just a little more romantic. I hope you enjoyed that which I hope you agree, was some tasty, tasty crack.