That Carolina Summer

Janet Dailey

Well, oy. This one is a "vacation" story. Annette, our heroine, is on vaca with her family and she meets the owner of the resort they are staying at and tries to, and of course does, land him. For some reason, she pretends to be 17, even though she is really the ripe old age of 20. But they get over it of course. Other than that, nothing interesting happens. The family relationship are bizarre and awkward and the "couple" is disturbing and icky. That is a recipe for some tastiness. Don't believe me? I can prove it!

'Marsha was half convinced that her older sister was a bulldozer made out of velvet. Somehow Annette managed to push obstacles aside as if they didn't exist." p. 44
I think Velvet Bulldozer was my favorite Glam Rock band!

"'I'm not sure yet,' she admitted. 'At the moment, being seventeen in his eyes is an advantage.'
Marsha frowned. 'I missed something. How is it an advantage?'
'I wouldn't even want to try to guess how many twenty-year-old girls he's dated in his lifetime, but how often do you think he's been attracted to a supposedly seventeen-year-old girl? Right now I stand out in the crowd. I'm not just another blonde in his life.'
'I hadn't thought of it that way,' her sister admitted." p. 47
Well, who would think of it that way, aside from perhaps some hardcore Nabokov fans? This little "plan" she has going is both creepy and icky and creepy again. And seriously, does anyone really want to know the answer to "how many seventeen year olds has my man wanted?"?

The dating tips in here were rated too manipulative by the chicks who wrote "The Rules", as is evidenced by this next little gem.
"'You can't be serious.' Marsha stared at her, fully aware that Annette was perfectly serious. 'I came along with you this afternoon just to play tennis. You didn't say anything about losing my sweater.'
'Marsha, you aren't losing it. You're just going to accidentally leave it behind. And if you're going to argue, will you please smile?' she urged. 'I don't want Josh to think we are up to something.'
'No,' Marsha agreed with a wide and faintly sarcastic smile. 'We mustn't let Josh know that we're plotting against him. If you want to leave a sweater behind for him to find, drop your own- and leave me out if it.'
'Marsha, I can't. It would be too obvious if I left mine,' Annette reasoned with forced calm. 'It has to be your so he won't get suspicious.'" p. 51
*sighs* Seriously.

"'Do you?' he challenged. 'To you, a kiss is one step beyond holding hands. But to me, it's one step away from the bed! That's where this one will lead, you know.' His gaze narrowed on the warmth that flooded her cheeks. 'No, you don't know, do you?'
'Josh, I-' Annette wanted to change the subject, suddenly unable to handle the topic of sex.
'You thought it would be exciting and a little wicked to tease me and tempt me with your little Lolita act.'" p. 74

*double sigh* At least they acknowledge the creepiness...although, they don't seem nearly as upset about it as I was. Particularly, when it got creepier, on the next page.

"There was no mistake that her father was looking their way with narrowing interest.
'If he knew what you were up to.' Josh said. 'he'd take you over his knee and spank you. Which is precisely what you need!'
'Maybe I'm into spankings!' Annette flashed, and turned to cross the gangplank to the dock, her carriage stiff with pride." p. 75

I think it is always a great idea to scream at a near stranger that you are into spankings, within earshot of your father, stepmother and baby brother. Particularly, when you are saying it to be a jerk.

So, a few pages later, she confesses. Apparently, being 2o is like, totally, like super mature, the fact that she acted like a 15 y/o not withstanding...and so he invites her to his hotel room, where THIS happened.

"'Do your tastes run to spicy things?' she asked.
'I can't imagine anything more boring than a bland diet,' he replied.
'Neither can I.' Annette agreed. 'I hope you realize how frustrating it was trying to act the age you thought I was.'
'I hope you realize how frustrating it was trying to treat you like the girl I thought you were instead of the woman I wanted you to be,' Josh countered. 'You knew that. And you deliberately provoked me.'" p.101
Ack ack ack. Oh and, ack.

Under the special Margaret Atwood category of explaining all metaphors...This is still at the dirty dinner.
"'There are two ways people can learn to swim,' Josh said, and Annette gave him a puzzled look. The subject was totally out of place. 'The quickest is to throw them into the deep end and hope their instinct for survival will get them safely ashore. But that's a severe shock to the system and it rarely turns out to be a pleasant experience.'
He paused briefly and it began to sink in that he was speaking analogically, comparing swimming to making love. Annette felt her inner confusion and tension begin to ease with his words." p. 105
Creepier and creepier thought EVERYONE!!!

"'Don't you want to marry me?' she murmured with a sinking heart.
'No.' His reply was brutally simple.
'But-' A hard lump welled in her throat. Annette had to pause to swallow it. 'I thought....' She tried again. 'This afternoon you asked if I would be interested in having your baby.'
A wry kind of amusement flickered across his features. 'Annette, that was another way of asking to make love to you.' he explained with droll patience. 'That is how babies are made, but I have absolutely no intention of getting you pregnant.'" p. 140
I just...really? Really?!

So, she runs off and nearly get assaulted by some other dude who she throws herself at and the Josh dude comes and saves her and then brings her to her dad. To tell on her. And then this happens...

"'And that can't be, since Annette is going to marry me.'
The calm statement jarred Annette to her feet. 'What?' She was furious at his supposition she would accept. After all he'd put her through tonight-humiliating her in front of her family- he was crazy to think she's fall all over herself accepting his proposal. She stood before him, her arms rigidly at her sides and her hands clenched into fists. 'I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on earth!'
Josh wasn't impressed by her anger or her denial. His gaze was coolly indifferent as it ran over her face. 'Where you are concerned, I am the last man on earth,' he stated simply. [...] 'You aren't going anywhere.' he informed her with tight-lipped grimness. 'I can't make up my mind whether you need a husband or a keeper.'
'I don't need you!' She hurled the bitter words at his fingers dug into the soft flesh of her arms to hold her, inflicting pain.
'It's about time somebody took you off your father's hands,' Josh declared roughly. 'You've caused him enough grief already.' His hard gaze swung away. 'With your permission, Mr. Long, I'm taking Annette as my wife.'" p. 187
What Dad, upon viewing that touching scene, wouldn't say yes to letting that man marry his, insane, manipulative bitchy daughter? Right. Neither did he. He consented, because it were true love...apparently.
Know what else it was? Yeah ya do. Cracky cracky crack crack.